How To Make A Grave Blanket

In past Decembers, I have written about making a grave blanket for my grandparents, Albert & Rose Behnke, graves. This year, sadly, I needed to make two. One is for my grandparents, and one is for my beautiful mom who passed away last December 9th 2022.

Making a grave blanket is somewhat of a tradition for my family that started, at least for me, when my grandparents passed away in the late 90’s. I had never really heard of it, but my mom, Sonja Behnke Festerling, would gather her supplies and create these beautiful blankets each year. “To keep them warm,” she would tell me.

Since my grandparents had immigrated from Germany in the 1930s, we had no other family here in America to visit their grave sites. But my grandmother must have told my mom about this tradition in Germany, and I keep thinking my mother’s husband, who was from Germany, reminded her of it and helped her make that first one. But when I ask him about it, I never get a good answer. For now, I am just going with the thought my grandmother shared the story with her.

I was concerned about making moms this year. How would yet one more first make me feel? So I made a plan. I decided to make yet another how-to video to share with you to take my mind off why I was making it.

My first step was to see her husband, Joe, and get some of the beautiful Nordmann Fir branches and a few other greens. One of Behnke’s best, Alfred Millard, had already stopped to visit Joe and gather some greens for the porch pots he loves creating. Who remembers all the fantastic Porch Posts Behnke used to sell? I know I do!!

Anyway, back to Mom’s grave blanket. Joe and I walked around his property, and I ended up with some Sweetbay Magnolia branches, a few pieces of Holly, and some cypress. Once back home, I had to pick out the ribbon. Ugh! What to choose? Mom loved purple, but the ribbon I had was just so dark. I decided on a beautiful white ribbon with gold running through it. Most garden centers will have an excellent selection of wired ribbons. Always get the indoor/outdoor ribbon with wire. I also gathered some tie-wraps (like using them much more than wire), plyers, and gloves. Those holly branches are awful to work with.

While walking around with Joe, we found about six beautiful Blue Jay feathers, and he also cut some perennial flowers that were still blooming. Mom loved watching birds and could sit for hours looking out the window at them. She had so many books on birds and loved to point out the different ones till Alzheimer’s’ took away her words. I decided to tie those feathers to the grave blanket and added the flowers to our grave vase.

The finished product turned out great. My husband and I took it to Mom’s grave to place it, and I am sure she approved. The next day, I got to work on my grandparent’s blanket. As I started, my 7-year-old granddaughter Zoe stopped in to see what we were doing outside (she lives next door! Yes, I am blessed). Zoe decided to help, and it was so much fun sharing about this tradition of making these blankets for our loved ones who have passed. She got into it by picking the ribbon and helping me tie everything together. The ribbon she picked was of snowmen. She felt that would make them smile. And the questions she asked while we were making it. Well, it just made me happy she was interested. She drove with us to Burtonsville to place the blanket. When she asked me if I thought they knew she helped, I told her they did and how much they would have loved her and all their great-great-grandchildren.

Who knows, maybe our Zoe will carry on this tradition long after I am gone.